Why Are We So Rude at Work?

How people behave at work isn’t all that nice. We are more thoughtful to perfect strangers in the street than we are to our colleagues in the office. At work we ignore people, we stink them out with our lunches, we arrive late to meetings. We talk loudly when others are trying to work, or we whisper distractingly when we don’t want everyone to hear.

Management experts call this “workplace incivility”, which they define as “low intensity deviant behaviour” that is not necessarily intended to harm its target, but does so anyway. We don’t set out to be uncivil to our colleagues by not saying hello or by ignoring their many emails. This is just how office life has become.

Research suggests such rudeness is rampant and doing real harm. It makes people hate their jobs, it makes them less creative and more stressed. It might even (though I’m doubtful) make us more prone to heart attacks.

It isn’t immediately obvious why offices are becoming less civil. Human nature hasn’t changed much. In my experience, when something big goes wrong in the office, people are very nice indeed. But six things have changed that may have made us all ruder in little ways.

The first is email. As there is far too much of it to reply to we’ve learnt not to – or to send terse one word answers – both of which are rude. And having mastered the art of ignoring emails we are now learning to ignore anything we don’t feel like doing. Answering the phone at work is becoming optional – which is rude not only to the person on the other end, but to the colleagues subjected to endless ringing.

The second invitation to incivility is the smartphone, which has made appearing to listen when someone else is talking – hitherto a mainstay of good manners – no longer required. This month I was at a conference at which not only was three-quarters of the audience (me included) staring at their phones, but half the people on the panel were openly tweeting or Whatsapping as the man at the lectern droned on.

Open plan offices are also made for incivility. Now that we are herded together in public spaces, what would have been fine in private offices (eating noisily, talking loudly on the phone etc) becomes less so. It is thanks to open plan offices that we have the rudest office invention of the lot – headphones. These shout: I’m here, but I wish I wasn’t.

Hot desking and flexible working have made things worse still. When you are not sitting with the same people every day, and may not even know the person who dumps themselves down next to you, there is no incentive to be particularly nice as you won’t see them tomorrow.

Possibly worse than any of this is the cult of busyness, which has made rudeness not just acceptable but admirable. If it is impressive to be busy, then it is good to keep people waiting, good to turn up late to meetings and good to be so preoccupied that you end up blanking people in the corridor.

All this is pretty fundamental, and it isn’t clear how to get civility back.

The only way that might work is rude in itself: it is secretly to video people behaving badly and send it to them, or share more widely. Almost everyone is decent really. Few people like to think of themselves as rude. A 10-second video of someone cutting a colleague dead or eating disgustingly might have an agreeably corrective effect.

Vocabulary:

thoughtful – kind and thinking about what other people need or want, “It was very thoughtful of you to bring me a coffee.”

colleagues – the people you work with; coworkers, “She has a great relationship with all her office colleagues.”

distractingly – in a way that takes your attention away from what you are doing, “The music was playing distractingly loud while I tried to read.”

incivility – rude, impolite, or disrespectful behavior, “Leaving your dirty dishes in the office sink is an example of workplace incivility.”

intensity – the strength or amount of energy something has, “The heat lost its intensity as the sun went down.”

deviant – different from what is normal, standard, or socially acceptable, “The boy’s deviant behavior at school got him into a lot of trouble.”

intended – planned, meant, or done on purpose, “The surprise party was intended to make her happy, not scare her.”

target – the person or object that an action is directed at, “The new advertising campaign has teenagers as its main target.”

set out to – (phrasal verb) to start an activity with a clear plan or intention to achieve something, “They set out to build the best software on the market.”

uncivil – polite or disrespectful; rude, “It is uncivil to yell at someone during an argument.”

rampant – spreading quickly and very common in a bad way that is hard to control, “Rumors were rampant in the small town after the bank robbery.”

doubtful – uncertain or unlikely to be true or successful, “It is doubtful that the train will arrive on time during this snowstorm.”

prone to – likely to suffer from, do, or experience something negative, “If you don’t sleep enough, you will be more prone to getting sick.”

indeed – truly, really, or used to emphasize a statement, “Thank you very much, that was a very nice dinner indeed.”

terse – using very few words, often in a way that seems rude or unfriendly, “He gave a terse one-word answer when I asked if he was okay.”

mastered – learned how to do something perfectly and exceptionally well, “She completely mastered the art of cooking Italian food.”

optional – not mandatory; something you can choose to do or not do, “Wearing a tie to the office is optional on Fridays.”

subjected to – forced to experience something unpleasant or annoying, “The passengers were subjected to a long three-hour delay at the airport.”

hitherto – until this time; before now, “The hidden room had hitherto been a complete secret to the family.”

mainstay – a very important part of something that keeps it strong or successful, “Rice is a mainstay of the daily diet in many Asian countries.”

panel – a small group of people chosen to talk about a topic or judge a competition, “A panel of experts answered questions about climate change.”

lectern – a tall wooden stand with a sloped top that holds books or notes for a speaker, “The professor stood behind the lectern to deliver his speech.”

droned on – (phrasal verb) talked for a long time in a boring, low, and uninteresting voice, “The politician droned on for an hour, and half the audience fell asleep.”

herded – moved or gathered together in a large group like farm animals, “The tour guide herded all the tourists onto the big bus.”

hot desking – an office practice where employees do not have their own fixed desks and can sit at any free desk, “Our company started hot desking to save money on office space.”

flexible working – a system that allows employees to choose when or where they work (like working from home), “Flexible working helps parents manage their time better.”

dumps themselves down – (colloquial idiom) sits down heavily, carelessly, or rudely in a seat, “He walked into the room and dumps himself down on the sofa without saying hello.”

incentive – something that encourages or motivates you to do a specific action, “The boss offered a cash bonus as an incentive for working over the weekend.”

cult – a system or fashionable idea that a group of people follow with extreme devotion, “There is a cult of fitness in our office, and everyone drinks green smoothies.”

admirable – deserving respect, approval, or admiration, “Her honesty and hard work are truly admirable qualities.”

preoccupied – thinking or worrying so much about one thing that you do not notice other things around you, “She was too preoccupied with her exams to listen to the radio.”

blanking – (informal/slang) completely ignoring someone on purpose when you walk past them, “I waved at Tom, but he was blanking me in the hallway today.”

fundamental – basic, central, or forming the most important part of something, “Food, water, and shelter are fundamental needs for all humans.”

civility – polite, respectful, and pleasant behavior toward others, “Good manners and civility make the workplace a much nicer place to be.”

decent – honest, good, polite, or acceptable, “He is a very decent man who always helps his neighbors.”

cutting a colleague dead – (idiom) completely ignoring a coworker on purpose to show anger or disrespect, “After their big argument, she was cutting her colleague dead whenever they passed each other.”

agreeably – pleasantly or in a way that is nice and acceptable, “The room was agreeably warm on a freezing winter day.”

corrective – intended to fix, improve, or cure a mistake or bad situation, “The teacher gave the student some corrective exercises to fix his spelling mistakes.”