The Science of Making Friends
How many good friends do you have? The kind who would lend you £100 without asking why, or put you up if you were kicked out of your house.
Anthropologist Prof Robin Dunbar says there is an exact formula for friendship: new friendships take 34 hours of one-on-one time to cultivate, in which you’d spend an ideal duration of three hours and four minutes per interaction together over the course of six months.
Note that this is to turn an acquaintance into a friend, not one of the close friends that makes up your inner circle – to do that, you’d have to dedicate 90 hours, according to a 2018 University of Kansas study.
This is just the latest of Dunbar’s studies on friendship, prompted by his early research with primates. Across species, Dunbar found that the ideal social group size correlated with the size of the brain. For humans, “Dunbar’s number” came out at 150, with just a handful in our inner circle.
“We have evidence from all around the world that shows the number and quality of friendships you have – in particular that inner core of best friends – has a bigger impact on your mental and physical wellbeing,” says Dunbar. “It will also affect how long you will live, more than anything else your GP could do.”
Vocabulary:
put you up – to let someone stay and sleep at your home for a short period of time, “When my apartment was being painted, my sister agreed to put me up for a few days.”
kicked out of – forced to leave a place permanently, usually because of bad behavior, a broken rule, or an unfortunate circumstance, “He was kicked out of the movie theater for talking too loudly during the film.”
one-on-one time – time spent exclusively with only one other person, “The manager schedules weekly one-on-one time with each employee to discuss their career goals.”
cultivate – to try to develop, improve, or grow a relationship, skill, or quality with care and effort, “She worked hard to cultivate a good relationship with her new neighbors.”
over the course of – during the period of time that something happens or develops, “He managed to lose twenty pounds over the course of three months by exercising daily.”
acquaintance – a person that you know slightly, but who is not a close friend, “I see him at the gym occasionally, but he is more of an acquaintance than a friend.”
inner circle – a small, close group of a person’s most trusted friends, family members, or advisors, “Only the president’s inner circle knew about the secret plans before they were announced.”
handful – a very small number of people or things, “Only a handful of students showed up to the extra study session on Friday afternoon.”
mental and physical wellbeing – the overall state of being healthy, happy, and comfortable in both your mind and your body, “Regular exercise and getting enough sleep are crucial for your mental and physical wellbeing.”